period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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