Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
