have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
