Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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