we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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