You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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