We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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