It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize