i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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