i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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