so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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