How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
