idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
