Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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