Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When are your genitals available?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
