She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
