There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
