I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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