You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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