there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
