Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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