I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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