Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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