Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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