I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I would fuck him just for his dog
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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