I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
