this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
