So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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