Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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