I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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