; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
