69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
