She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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