Apparently you make a good broom.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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