hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
