Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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