It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
