Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
