you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
