You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
