the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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