i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
