Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
