Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
splinters make it hard to masturbate
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
