I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
