I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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