He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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