i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
