I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize