she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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