hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
