So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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