Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
