checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
