His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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