do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
