Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
