I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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