I'm really into asian looking animals
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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