my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
