i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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