After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
