Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This baby is an asshole
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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