May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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