well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
