I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I wear drunk well.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize