You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
