We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
