Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
