I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
