i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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