omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
