At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
