I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
