Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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