Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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