You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
