U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
