I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
