If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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