I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
